This is my first time going on a date, what are some red flags to keep in mind?

Sakshi Tickoo

Sakshi Tickoo (she/her)

Occupational Therapist Instagram

We tend to flippantly throw around words like ‘toxic’, ‘red flags’, and ‘green flags’. In reality, the color of the flags is a little trickier to spot and may even go unnoticed especially when you are just getting to know someone. There are some classic telltale signs you need to be wary of such as controlling behavior, mistreatment of people in the service industry, only talking about themself, trying to talk down to you, and immediately start comparing you to their exes. If at any point your boundaries feel violated – physical or emotional – that’s a major red flag. 

These are, of course, generic red flags, but in order to be able to figure out what they might look like for you, it’s important to do some self-work and learn from your own past experiences and patterns. 

On the flip side, some green flags you could be mindful of are if someone is genuinely curious about you, asks the right questions and the conversation seems to flow, is mindful of your needs and bodily cues, you don’t feel on edge and it feels comfortable. 

 

According to a recent Tinder survey, asking for personal/intimate pictures (50%*), making fun of your interests/ beliefs (47%*), refusing to converse further when you share something emotional/personal (44%*), not being empathetic towards others (41%*) and choosing to chat/speak on the phone rather than meeting (32%*) are the top 5 instances young adult daters categorize as red flags. On the other hand, 50%* of young Indian adults say that their partner explicitly discusses their boundaries is a green flag, which helps you not only understand what they need but also clearly communicate your own boundaries to them as well.

*Research conducted by YouGov – survey of 1,018 Indian young adults (18-30) across Delhi, Bombay, Bangalore, Pune, Kolkata, Chennai, Hyderabad.