My match said something mean about my body..what’s the best way to handle it? Should I confront them or move on?

Dr. Lakshmi Sukumaran

Dr. Lakshmi Sukumaran (she/her)

Cardiac and Transplant Anesthesiologist, Cancer Survivor Instagram

Having to face body shaming can really impact one’s self-esteem and confidence – sorry, you had to go through that. Please know that someone’s opinion of you or your body is not the ultimate truth, and you deserve to be treated with utmost respect and affection. In such a situation, there are three things you can do – you can confront the match/ date directly, you can divert the topic and address it later if you feel like it, or you can choose to disengage. Please remember that whichever choice you make is valid. 

If you do choose to confront them directly, try to be as specific as possible and take up as much space as you can in that situation. One helpful way to do that is by using ‘I’ statements. You could say something like:

“I don’t appreciate you saying _______”

“I was hurt when you commented on my body the other day.”

You could also share the impact it had on you:

“What you said the other day took a toll on my mental health”

“You saying _____ made me want to stop talking to you”

In case you are feeling very triggered at the moment, it is best to remove yourself from the situation as soon as you are able to and engage in something that’s grounding for you. Whether that’s deep breathing, indulging in some self-care, or asking your friends to be your cheerleaders, there’s no right or wrong way to cope. Even if you choose to take some time or have space to yourself without necessarily having to explain yourself at that instant, that’s okay too. Don’t forget, feeling good about yourself is a journey, so you do you!

 

Since day one, Tinder has been focused on delivering experiences that encourage healthy interactions and offers industry-leading safety features that give members full control over their experience such as Block Profile, in-app reporting, the newly launched long-press reporting, and Does This Bother You? that asks members this question when they receive a potentially offensive message on Tinder, etc.